its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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