I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
