i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
