You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
