How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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