You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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