Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
