I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
