3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
