I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
