i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
