ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
