I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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