how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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