It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
