hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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