we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
