just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
