seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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