Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
