You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
