on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Randomize
