Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
So many bounce houses so little time
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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