I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
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I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
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Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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