Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Found your dick twin last night
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
