and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
