i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
