glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
