The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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