why im i the only drunk person in the library?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
