i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
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How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
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I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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