he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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