12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I intend to get homeless drunk
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
