there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
