last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
