The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
