I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Send help, water and tortillas.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
