someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
