Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
