im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
