Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
