I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
These tits shall not be calmed
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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