she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
