this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Come share oat with me in your robe
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
