Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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