i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
