Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
one might say we're banned from that church
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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