My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize