Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I am one with the molecules
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
