Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
