he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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