fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
