dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
