He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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