I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
