do herpes really smell.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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