and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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