I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
