awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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