RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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