i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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