my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
