I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
