I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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