oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
