I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
