i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Randomize
