I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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