I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I need water and some morals
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
