if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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