I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
