I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
