I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
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Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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