I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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